Does this Character Sound Gutsy or just Caustic?
I’m introducing the second major POV character to my #scifi story. This is where I shift to a different mindset entirely and I need the writing to reflect that. Below is a short snippet of that new character’s intro to the story. I’d love to hear what folks think about this person after this quick intro. Likeable? Annoying? Hard to tell yet?
Sachen Orbital Station, New China
Rehabilitation wards sucked, no matter how well-financed they were, and the high-cast Nassien clinic on New China was no exception. Kay pulled herself out of the indoor lap pool and sat on the edge while the water dripped from her collar length blond hair. She still hadn’t gotten used to that.
Years of short-cropped hair genetically altered to a less-conspicuous black was a hard habit to give up. The worst was leaving her eyes their natural blue. Novans didn’t have blue eyes. They might alter them to any other color, but not blue. Terrans had blue eyes. If her lack of Novan pheromones didn’t make it obvious her natural blue eyes did. She was Terran, an unaltered Terran clone, gene line KDTU-02128, property of the Nassien Military Research Division to be precise.
Even that designation was losing significance under the ever-vigilant eye of one Ayaan Nassien-Nomani, Black March Lieutenant Colonel. Or was it Colonel now? Kay couldn’t remember. The gratuitous promotions had come fast and furious during the last days of the Chagos mission, even for her. If she looked at her room chart, it stated the ridiculous rank of Sergeant, as if a grunt like her was ever meant to get that high in the military food chain.
Jax would have had a good long laugh on that one.
If he wasn’t dead.
If she hadn’t shot him to save his traitorous ass from something even worse.